how i lost my virginity, pt. 4

[part three]

that 4th of july was the worst night of my entire life. we had all gone to rob's for a barbecue. remember the whole thing about how i wanted to keep my virginity under wraps? well, it was working like a charm until that night. robin had well warmed up her abilities to humiliate her friends by announcing to the entire room tha me, her, and erica had all bought matching pink vibrators on erica's birthday. she said this to people that we had barely known for 2 weeks, some of which we were trying to woo. she hadn't thought twice of the statement she just made, nor of the dirty looks that me and erica shot her after she said it. she wasn't very good at taking hints.

so later on that night, the party guests had decided that it would be a good "get to know you" idea to play the game "i never." now, besides the fact that i always lost (won?) because i was terribly inexperienced compared to my comrades, i always thought that this was a stupid game, so i decided that this would be a good time to get a refreshing beverage from the kitchen. as i got myself a corona out of the fridge and began to cut myself a lime wedge, i listened in on the conversation in the living room. as i had expected, the subject matter had turned to sexual experiences, and at that time, i was content just to listen from a safe distance in the kitchen. not because i was embarrassed, per se; i just knew that any loaded questions that might be aimed in my direction would only end up in a bigger mess because i'd then have to lie to get out of it smoothly. and keeping your lies straight is never easy. and besides, i didn't want them to feel obligated to filter their conversation because the virgin was in the room.

after i'd been gone for a few minutes, rob noticed my absence and asked where i'd gone.

and before i could pipe in with my reply, robin beat me to it.

"oh, she's just uncomfortable because we're talking about sex."

and at that point, the room went silent. i was in such shock that i didn't know what to say. did she just say that? did she really? i was in such disbelief. i didn't know whether to march in there and slap her, or try to laugh it off. so i just stood there in the kitchen, speechless.

i don't remember the reaction of the other people in the room. i was too consumed by my sudden desire to kill robin to pay attention.

every time i think of this moment, i get mad at her all over again, just like i am right now as i'm writing this. i knew that from then on, i would never trust her with a secret ever again.

and to this day, i still haven't.

i spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what to say to her. i was so angry i could scream. all of the words wanted to come out at the same time, and it was the most difficult thing ever to try to organize them into coherent sentences.

eventually, i ended up bringing her upstairs and telling her off in that scolding whisper that parents use with ill-behaved children in public places. i felt like slapping her, but i didn't. looking back on it, i should have.

that, to this day, was the single most embarrassing moment of my entire life. thanks, robin. you're really a true friend.

[part five]