how i lost my virginity, pt. 11

[part ten]

by the time i got home, it wasn't terribly late, because he still had to drive back to huntington beach. when i walked in the door, i was greeted by erica sitting on the couch in the midst of her filth, crying in front of her computer with a glass of red wine sitting next to her. i was speechless. before i could ask her what was wrong, she leapt down my throat.

"well, you've been gone a long time," she said in a very irritated tone. "where have you been? oh wait, don't tell me...you were with johnny weren't you?"

too afraid to speak, i only nodded timidly in affirmation as i closed the door and started to head towards my room.

"yeah, i thought so," she continued in her irritated motherly tone. "nice of you to wait for me." as i got down the hallway, she yelled after me in disgust, "bet you had some fun last night, huh?"

i got to my room and shut the door. at first i felt bad, but after her last comment, i was irate. so that's what this is all about? after aiding in making my life hell over the summer, and after not letting me so much as go grocery shopping without her for three months, she was now going to guilt trip me over this?? i thought back to how jealous i was when she boasted about losing her virginity, and how much i wanted to kill her, but as a friend, i kept my mouth shut and tried to be happy for her. god forbid she'd return the favor.

this was the first time that i had friends of my own or gone out without her in three months. i thought that she'd at least be able to survive 12 hours without me, but apparently not. what does she expect me to do? just stay at home all day like some domesticated housewife, cleaning up her ubiquitous messes and waiting on her when she's sick? if i wanted a child at age 18, i would have had one, thank you very much.

i moved out of my mom's house to grow up. to live my own life. i craved independence. i wanted to be me, not what my friends thought i should be. their image of me had tied me down for so long, and when i moved away, i mistakenly thought i was free. orange county sounded like a good idea because i wanted to hang out with pretty people, and go to parties that had hired photographers, and do mountains of cocaine, and live like a rock star for a few months. i had gone down there to have fun. i had thought that we were on the same page, but i guess we weren't.

i was so disappointed in her. i had so much fun that day, but i didn't tell her. she wasn't deserving of the details.

[part twelve]